Tag Archives: thoughts

Life is a feedback loop.

I’ve been noticing that strange morning confusion lasting longer and longer into the day. That disorientation and confusion is nearly gone usually by noon at the latest, sooner if I have my morning Joe. It fades but never quite goes away.

Living with any altered state does have its benefits, I’ve noticed new things about myself that I haven’t noticed before. I can’t imagine this is new unless it’s a symptom of the same problem.

I think our biological beings work different than we suspect. I think we kind of assume that our brains are an on/off switch. Thoughts are thought and then disappear, right? But lately I’ve been noticing that my thoughts don’t disappear, rather they slowly fade in the sense of a half life or a feedback loop.

I know it sounds strange but try it for me, maybe when you’ve had a couple drinks or a hit of something. When a particularly impactful idea crosses your mind, just sit back and observe where it goes. I’d bet you it sticks with you longer than you expect.

Mayan Prophecy and 2012 Armageddon

I’ve always been fascinated with end-of-the-world theories. These dark moods I’ve been waking up in lately seem to keep up my interest. Interestingly, there’s some buzz around the web and such, but not a lot of excitement or fear like I remember there being with the Y2K thing. Maybe it’s because it seems so much less likely that an ancient civilization could predict the end of the world thousands of years in advance. Less likely, surely, than mankind creating a technology that would be our eventual doom.

There’s some contradiction in the Mayan prediction anyway. They never really claimed it was the end as much as just got lazy and didn’t create another new calendar to follow the one that is ending too. Of course the (erroneous, apparently) idea that they didn’t account for leap years has been circulating for a while, probably giving people less reason to even entertain the idea. And certain finds lend further assurance to the conclusion most have come to that the Mayans meant for it to roll over to the next age.

It gives us some excitement anyway, to think about it and joke about it. As bits of snow start dropping on this autumn day, looking a bit like ash to my cloudy mind, I can’t help but feel like something meaningful might come of it.

The Mayan Apocalypse will be an internal one.

Not sure what to think about those ashes. Maybe a neighbor had a apocalyptic experience with a charcoal grill or something. I swear there was ash all over the place falling like snow past my window. Now that I go out and look, I ain’t getting nothing and my buddy Nate said nothing too. Strange to communicate with a buddy from your blog I guess but he follows me (and all his thousand blogs) religiously closely.

PS, thought this was interesting:

Most experts claim that the transformative event at the end of the Mayan Calendar 2012 is more of an internal one, rather than a physical one.

They even started an Indiegogo at the link to fundraise for awareness campaigns. Not sure if it’s legit but I sure am interested in the idea of this Mayan apocalypse being an internal one.

A thousand birds

A thousand birds were winging their way around scattered everywhere with very little rhyme or reason and it reminded him to look up. And it reminded him to look around. It was dusk. The trees and ground and buildings were that dark violet silhouette you only see at dusk. The sky filled in the rest behind it and from east to west it was blue then green then orange then yellow. Dan could almost pick the place in the sky where the color changed to the next the transitions were so abrupt. Birds and more birds silently slid amidst this visual beauty.

It was moments like these that Dan found were most easy to find himself and forget the past for a moment, stop rehearsing the future. There in that moment he felt he more understood what it meant to be aware. Being. Awareness. Was this kind of what the books talked about when they talked about enlightenment? Dan saw himself not at all as someone who was enlightened and in fact had kind of given up on the idea of this supreme realization that tore his old perception of the universe in half leaving the solace of pure understanding. Only in times like these when he could be content in the moment did he feel there could be something more, even just a shred of that enlightened solace.

He did gain a deeper understanding of the value of things in that moment. He saw more clearly how that moment, and each concurrent passing moment, or as we just call it: the present, was all we had. There was no value in endings, any ending. Death or loss or heartbreak. None. The universe is ending incarnate, built into everything is an ending. Nothing, nothingness, is inevitable.

Truly beautiful, and all that is worthy of celebration are beginnings. And havings. The briefest of moments when your world rubs against anothers and something glorious sparks between these heavenly bodies. These are the rare and beautiful gems in the universe, worthy of all your adoration and gratitude. When they’re gone, cast them aside, and do not mourn. That moment was special but now it is gone with the infinity of other lost things. Keep your mind on the ground under your feet or you will lose all that you’ve ever had.

30 Days

Noticed and tweeted a mini-milestone today. It’s just a month to the Mayan Apocalypse. The milestone being Fox News unashamed ‘coverage’ and countdown to the end. They’re not afraid to masquerade anything as news anymore. I’m just glad they haven’t connected it to Obama’s reelection (yet). There IS still a month.

On a strange note, I noticed an article mentioning an uptick of feelings of a confusing kind of paranoia. Sounded similar to what I’ve been feeling lately so I did a search and noticed a strange quantity of talk about it on the webs. Is this always around or am I in on some kind of subtle mass affliction?