Tag Archives: paranoid

Do your skies fill with ash or your minds fill with clouds?

The only for-sure, definite meaning we can garner from life is the effect our small push of actions and ideas has on the evolution of humanity. They push it slightly in your own direction whether you intend it or not.

My concern is that we are more powerful than simply causing ‘slight’ effects. My concern is that my thoughts have some degree of responsibility for recent world events. Talk of ashes and cloudy minds are more evident on the web lately – or am I just preoccupied since I keep experiencing these things. Perhaps it’s just that feeling I’ve been waking up with. This morning is the worst yet. I’ve realized it’s not just a cloudy feeling, it’s paranoid. Like that feeling that pot causes. You’ll know it if you’ve smoked it – it’s the uncomfortable ruminating and obsessive paranoia that only comes from the strange ability to focus imparted by marijuana.

30 Days

Noticed and tweeted a mini-milestone today. It’s just a month to the Mayan Apocalypse. The milestone being Fox News unashamed ‘coverage’ and countdown to the end. They’re not afraid to masquerade anything as news anymore. I’m just glad they haven’t connected it to Obama’s reelection (yet). There IS still a month.

On a strange note, I noticed an article mentioning an uptick of feelings of a confusing kind of paranoia. Sounded similar to what I’ve been feeling lately so I did a search and noticed a strange quantity of talk about it on the webs. Is this always around or am I in on some kind of subtle mass affliction?

The Beginning of the Mayan End?

What happened last night? Is anyone else getting information. I’m not seeing much of it on the MSM. My area and several places in the US and W. Europe seem to have the same problems. Either no one up at the top is connecting the dots or more likely, they don’t think it’s a big deal. I’ve heard the official word on the cause is solar flare.

That would explain the sporadic blackouts and problems with electronics.

It does not explain the behavior observed in these areas. It’s possible the confusion and panic reported is a mass hysteria from the glitchy gadgets. I do not think it’s possible that solar flares affect people like that. Maybe someone knows better than me.

I’ve found some conspiracy theories that say CERN, FEMA, even the Mayans and the predicted apocalypse is behind this. Incidentally, that’s how I noticed it wasn’t just around these parts these things were happening. Obviously I’m fascinated by conspiracy theory and the Mayan scare.

Apocalypse is my personal devil. Some like to think the devil is following them around, personally hounding them until they turn to evil. Makes you even feel a bit important, despite the horror that should imply. Apocalypse fills the same void for others, makes us special somehow – the world we’ve shared with millions of others over the millennia – now after all that, it’s ending, and it’s happening to us. Now.

Of course this solar flare or whatever isn’t the end of the world. But who can blame a guy for indulging his ego a bit?

Continuing Confusion – Solar Flare, Really?

This solar flare thing is getting more and more frightening. It seems less possible as a likely cause. There are strange stories floating around the internet about lost data on computers. It would be one thing if ALL data were lost in these cases but people are coming up with unprecedented numbers of corrupted files and half done files. I have one file on my computer, for instance, an essay I was typing, that has the first third of what I typed and the last third but nothing in the middle. Like everything I did for that middle three hours was banished to limbo. Dev forums seem to be spiking with complaints of software issues. Entire websites faulty. Hardware problems are intermittent but data issues seem permanent so far. You computer will come back on but the data doesn’t come back.

It still seems limited mostly to W. Hemisphere areas so the solar flare theory still holds there. The hardware/software issues can be explained by this, though it’s not as likely as they seem to want us to believe. It would take quite a flare to do that kind of damage.

What doesn’t make sense to me are the reports of rogue information. We’ve got people talking like some alien abductee from The X-Files who suddenly looks up and notices three hours have passed that they don’t remember at all. The only ‘evidence’ that anything happened in that time is bits and pieces from the net: random tweets, news sites, blogs,  all with information that never seemed to happen.

Complex armageddon prank in like of the coming ‘Mayan Doomsday’? Or general hysteria? I am starting to feer it’s something deeper than that. What makes it personal: many of the people reporting these issues also mention this confused feeling I’ve been having trouble with.

Apocalypse Now

And then it all floods back. I was standing in a dusty supermarket, shadows of branches and leaves waving in the wind swept the floors. Everyone was dazed. I wouldn’t call it panic buying since no one knew what to panic about. The cashier asked me something but I was momentarily stunned as if I had just awoken from a nightmare bolted upright. I don’t know what’s going on in my head lately, all this confusion and cloudiness.

Managing to clear some of the fog I asked for a plastic bag and started jamming my produce in it. The news is just too weird. It’s not like 9/11 where obviously a Horrible Thing had happened. But jet black ash appearing over much of the western world is clearly not a good thing. It seems like most of us are suffering from at least a bit of this cloudy head thing too. I like how it’s Us now (that’s one similarity to 9/11). It’s not uncommon to bump into someone who suffered a recent cat scratch or dog bite. We’re all on edge and it’s not just the news. It’s like some heavenly hypnotist has tricked our brains into churning nothing, everything, over and over. We’re all ruminating.

Maybe the ash is connected. I’m at my computer now, typing, trying to get my brain straight, trying to figure out the progression of this amateur blogger’s (me) posts. Trying to make heads of what’s going on with me and what’s going on with the world. Most people think it’s Israel, some say CERN did something crazy. I gotta say I think if it were Israel messing up the world it would be a lot harder to keep the public from knowing.

Strangest information I can find, maybe the most relevant to me are these ‘waking dreams’ popping up all over in reports. Some are pretty explainable, people thinking they saw long-lost friends and relatives. Some, like this, are downright spooky:

…then I was on a different train. It was an awfully unsettling feeling because it suddenly was half as fast and, I know my route like the back of my hand, it was turning in a different direction. Looking outside, everything was just slightly different. Like I couldn’t pinpoint it but different in some unknowable way. The most unsettling part was noticing a different flag on the buildings. I’m a vet and have some pretty intense national pride and that just floored me. I’m still shaking. At some point things righted themselves kind of like how in a dream you forget all the strange stuff that’s going on. But I still find myself looking around and making sure the stars and stripes are still there.

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