Maybe the confusion is drawing to a close. I was starting to actually worry the Mayans were right. Despite a siren every now and then things almost seem normal. My head almost seems normal. A look outside has a view of people in the streets, obviously (and understandably) dazed but not panicked or suffering. I think we’re all breathing a sigh of relief.
Just about anyone starting in philosophy gets interested because of their fear of death. Sort of a decision to face it rather than fear it. After casting aside the religion I grew up with I’ve spent a lot of time considering the concept of death.
There is no way to be sure if there is something else after this so we are left with only this short existence. It’s the only for sure thing we have. Maybe an eternity of bliss awaits some or all of us. Maybe not. Just in case, I want to go knowing I did everything in life that I could. The ideal death is the one that comes after one’s life is complete.
Now throw in a bit of cancer.
How is one sure to do everything they could with a wild card like cancer?
Before I was diagnosed I knew I could get hit by a truck or SARS at any moment. That didn’t bother me because it’s another unknown. Unknowns by definition can’t be planned for so that’s just something to accept and live with. Cancer, on the other hand isn’t an immediate death sentence the way dying in a car wreck is.
It’s a bit like Death himself taking you by the hand and joining you in the day to day routine. Just a not-so-subtle reminder that you will die, and maybe sooner than your friends and loved ones.
Good god, it’s full on now. Orange skies back, ash swirling. There is no word coming out of most of eastern Europe at all. It’s like all their power went out at once. That came on fast. I was just writing a post almost wondering if everything that happened last week was real.
This is crazy:
Everyone I talked to in Bratislava experienced nearly the same vision. Spots of light flashing at the edges of vision growing to loss of color throughout. A ringing sound in the ears and the feeling of moving somewhere yet being held in place or being pulled in two directions at once. Many feared for their life and physical signs of panic were still visible as they spoke.
This wasn’t isolated. Everyone is talking about it. In the hour since it has happened communications networks are jammed.
Strangest to me is a common thread in conversations: ego death. Many many mention a loss of self or a connection to everything or general nothingness.
I’m trying to come to terms with the resurgence of that ashen phenomena. That reports of a resurgence of mass hysteria accompanied it exactly is really bothering me. Tweet at me @danthantanos with what’s happening around you.
I’ve been trying to put together my earlier posts and reconcile it all with what I’m reading in the news tonight.
Unfortunately the cloudy-headedness is back and I can’t think straight enough to even type. Maybe some sleep will help.